Herr Otto Partz says you're all nothing but pipsqueaks!

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Messages - BonzaiJoe

Permanent Competition / Re: How serious are the records?
February 12, 2024, 09:47:26 PM
Quote from: alanrotoi on May 19, 2023, 02:25:31 PM
Quote from: BonzaiJoe on February 05, 2006, 08:19:56 PMA new era of the permanent competition has begun, now that Renato has seemingly started working on the permanent tracks as if they were competition tracks. Now the holder(s) of the records have/has not only found a very fast way to drive the track, but also maxed out that way as much as possible. There will be no more "lucky rides" leading to a record on one of the tracks.

DEFAULT: I shall not speak about this record...

BERNIE'S: my 59.30 (recently improved to 59.05) was beaten after having stood for many years. I had foreseen this coming, for although I had driven the track in a way which I can't imagine not being the fastest, I drove it in 2002, a time when there wasn't such a huge tradition for maxing out. So it is flawed, and my first corners are actually a joke, nearly at noRH level. I'd say Renato's record is beatable, but I don't think anyone will ever go below 58 seconds (or maybe 57.90 or something) on Bernie's. There is simply no faster way to do it than the one we have already done (except in extreme cases without unexplainable magic carpets in the beginning of the track, etc.).

Alan Rotoi 0.57.40  ;) 2021 record.

Alan Rotoi - faster than the fastest it's possible to be
Chat - Misc / Re: The Happy Birthday Topic
February 07, 2022, 04:58:39 PM
Quote from: Usrin on February 07, 2022, 02:13:10 PM
Quote from: BonzaiJoe on February 06, 2022, 10:46:40 PM
No, I'm just not Facebook friends with her so I hardly know anything :) Please get me up to date. Was the pregnancy successful? If yes, is the kid in good health, and what's it's name?

If CTG is not coming, I take the honour of updating you. The kid is a girl called Yrsa, and as far I can see, she's in perfect health and lives in a perfect family, like any small kid on Facebook. :)

Cool! Thanks. I love that I'm hearing this from you  ;D
Chat - Misc / Re: Numbers about yourself
February 06, 2022, 10:55:20 PM
Quote from: Usrin on February 06, 2022, 09:23:52 PM
And I would not refuse a trip to Namibia, but that's rather because its perfect conditions for astronomical observations.

If you go to Namibia, be sure to contact JTK and KHR first. They grew up there (as you may already know).
Chat - Misc / Re: The Happy Birthday Topic
February 06, 2022, 10:46:40 PM
No, I'm just not Facebook friends with her so I hardly know anything :) Please get me up to date. Was the pregnancy successful? If yes, is the kid in good health, and what's it's name?
Chat - Misc / Re: The Happy Birthday Topic
February 06, 2022, 09:00:00 PM
Quote from: CTG on October 17, 2019, 09:49:48 PM
Quote from: CTG on January 31, 2008, 12:10:18 PM
Happy birthday Lise!!!  ;D

The Danish beauty, Lise is pregnant! :o
It wasn't me.  ;D
(Unfortunately.  :'()

Wait, really? I didn't know that  :o
Chat - Misc / Re: Funny dreams
January 24, 2022, 04:58:49 PM
Quote from: Overdrijf on November 23, 2021, 07:03:07 AM

So, I immediately want to tell you guys about this movie with Stunts music in it! I log onto the forums to post about it, but the dream twists it so that she's the one posting about it. We have an alien fugitive on the forum, apparently. The moment she posts she gets a sort of cryptic reply back. She's been found out. Turns out everyone she was working with was an undercover space cop, but they hadn't had confirmation of her identity until now. (And even this honestly was a pretty good scene. they're in a train in an underground station now I think for some reason, for that clean spy movie aesthetic.) So... she was an active member here during her days of space crime?

This is one of my favorite things I've seen here  ;D Maybe a lot of mysterious things that have happened here can be explained by the space alien from your dream...
Stunts Chat / Re: Real names
January 22, 2022, 07:30:25 PM
List updated (Lise got married  :D):

AbuRaf70 Anelio Baronetti
Akoss Poo Ákos Pinter
Alain il professore Alain Peré
Alan Rotoi Patricio Iván Martín Sbarbi Osuna
Bonzai Joe Jacob ?stergaard
CAP  Álvaro Pérez Cantalapiedra
Cas - Lucas Pedrosa
Chulk Ignacio Santivanez
CTG Peter Pal Varga
Dark Chaser Alexandre Ramos
Death Man Jason Cousineau
Diesel Joe Niki Hosseinian-Sereshki
Dinmor Thomas Mulvad
Duplode Daniel Mlot Pinheiro
Friker Viktor Tomkov??
Gutix Gustavo Nielsen
Horst Paul Oliver Kalpen
Inavoeg Geovani M. da Silva
JTK Oliver Kalpen
Juank23 Juan Camilo Espedes
KHR Markus Kalpen
Krys Toff Christophe Van Houtte
Lene Lene Lydia Petersen
Leo Ramone Leonardo Alberto Bonassoli
Lise Lise Dilling Nielsen
Luke Lukas Lohrer
Marci M?rton Ács
Mark Nailwood Markus Nagelholz
Marool Cool Markus Kalpen
Mft Peter Ács
Mingva Mindaugas Gvozdas
Nach - Ignacio Pedrosa
Paradisio Mindaugas Gvozdas
pArAnO Maurice Robichaud
Pavekiller Flemming Willum Petersen
Pedro Antonio Pedro Antonio Rodriguez Sastre
Q Dierk Widmann
Renato Biker Renato Brodzinski
Roy Wiegerinck Roy Wiegerinck
Selahi Selahi Durusoy
SergioBaro Sergio Baronetti
StuntingHoschte Felix Sperling
Super Brian Brian Willum Petersen
Sylvain Chabert Sylvain Chabert
Thodran Nick Maiberg
Trx M?ty?s Tersty?nszky
Usrin Andr?s Uhrin
Umberto ?cs? R?bert Ács
Zak McKracken Peter Ács
Daffy duck  Xavier van Houtte
Tweety Bird  Thomas van Houtte
Chat - Misc / Re: Annoying things
January 22, 2022, 07:20:44 PM
Mood. By the way, I can't have been the only one to think of this:

Chat - Misc / Re: Association game
January 18, 2022, 09:55:58 PM
General Chat - ZSC / Re: Types of pipsqueaks
January 18, 2022, 09:51:08 PM
I've always felt like there was some top pipsqueaks whose replays looked like they were made by humans:

Alan Rotoi

and then those pipsqueaks where the replays look like they're done by aliens:

Renato Biker

It's a little bit the same with chess. There are some chess masters where you kind of get what they're doing and you just wish you'd be able to think of all those moves during a game, and then there are others where you just think: Never in a million years would I have the idea to play like that.

Only taking account ancient '00s pipsqueaks of course because I have no idea what's been going on for the last 12 years  ;D
March 17, 2018, 08:24:02 PM
A track with that many zeros in its name certainly sounds tempting.

What's the best way to run Stunts in Windows 10?
March 17, 2018, 02:11:39 AM
According to Stunts history, Short Cutfinder was either the 2nd or the 4th ghost.

We all know that before anyone did anything, the Kalpen brothers did everything. So it came to pass that two mysterious pipsqueaks by the names of Horst Paul and Marool Cool appeared on the scoreboard of the Kalpen contest at some point in 1998. Depending on perspective, they were either ghosts or simply alternative nicknames used by the Kalpen brothers. In any case, they were largely unknown to the Zakstunts community in 2002. Shortly before Zakstunts appeared in March 2001, however, a real ghost by the name of "Sneller Dan Ben" entered the Kalpen contest. This ghost was a reference to the Dutch top pipsqueak known as Ben Snel. I don't know who created Sneller Dan Ben, but he was arguably the first ghost, and Short Cutfinder then the second.
General Chat - ZSC / Re: Stunts Ghosts
March 15, 2018, 04:11:47 PM
Quote from: CTG on October 26, 2013, 09:38:45 PM
who the skid was short cutfinder?

March 15, 2018, 11:05:01 AM
Okay, so, I think there is no point hiding it anymore.

The times have passed, the sun has eclipsed the sky, the smell of the smoke from Ayrton's Indy has long left the hills and the palm trees and the tennis courts of this metaphorical Stunts track. The legends are doing loop jumps in Stunts Valhalla, where the cars cannot crash. All the ghosts have drifted away to the Stunts Underworld, where they are going in infinite circles in the LM-002 on a circular track with no scenery.
Alain Il Professore has a 9 to 5 office job and CTG is discovering how nice it is to tell the truth. Diesel Joe has stopped drinking. Akoss Poo finally tried eating chili beans from a pina and found out he didn't really like it that much. Argammon's ego has shrunk down to normal size, and Zakstunts is no longer run by Zak.

In the light of these circumstances, after 16 years of secrecy, I think it's time to announce it:
I have an announcement to make.

It was back in the immaculate morning of Stunts, in the fresh spring of Zakstunts, in the glory days of Roy Wiegerinck. Brave new pipsqueaks were discovering new tricks like scientists in their laboratories, and publishing their results in the top tier peer-reviewed journal known as the Zakstunts scoreboard. The inhuman perfectionism of Ayrton was far off in the future. Renato Biker was still biking around somewhere in Brazil, oblivious to Stunts. Even Alan Rotoi was an unheard-of phenomenon that we didn't know was about to hit us. It was in an age before Meganium Aces High, before Cork's Crew and before Orion.

We are now in April 2002. It was a very special month for me because it was the month that I won my very first Zakstunts track. One month earlier, in March, I had secured my very first victory in Stunts by winning the ancient ISA track "Glasgow". But everybody knew that Zakstunts was the grand slam of the game. So when I drove my Audi to glory, edging out Roy to second place, it was the pinnacle of my career thus far.

But there was something else about that month. Something that would be remembered for years, and long after the results of the track were forgotten. Something that caused the forums to erupt in speculations and back-and-forth debate. In the middle of the month, a mysterious replay suddenly landed in Zak's inbox. It was the weirdest thing we'd seen thus far. An unknown driver taking a very strange way around the track, going off into the scenery, and driving through a loop ten times in a row. It was a festival of bad, crazy and very strange Stunts driving. Because of its weirdness, the replay was made public before the track deadline.

Maybe you can already guess where I'm going with this. Maybe you have no idea because all this stuff happened 12 years before you came to this place. Maybe you don't even understand this because you're a spambot and there are no humans anymore on this forum.

In any case, the replay had come from a mysterious sender who had named himself "Short Cutfinder", as a reference to the emerging debate about "short cuts" and how so-called shortcut finders were less deserving winners than people who just drove really well.

And so I'm compelled to announce, before I die:

It was me.

I was Short Cutfinder. Short Cutfinder came from the Aarhus ghost factory.
I composed an email to Zak from a fake email address, written in bad English that was supposed to look like it was from a Hungarian person.

And so Roy Wiegerinck asked me in the MSN Chat after the race: "How does it feel to be in first and last place on the scoreboard?". I don't know how he knew it was me. But only a few months later, as the debate about the mysterious ghost pipsqueak was still active, Roy disappeared, and with him the only other keeper of this secret which I then took with me for 16 years until this day.

Meanwhile, back in 2002, a convenient thing happened: another pipsqueak was framed.
High on the success of Short Cutfinder in causing uproar in the community, I created another crazy replay and this time submitted it to Alain's ancient Francestunts competition. Just to shake things up a bit, I put the email through Babelfish (this was before Google Translate) and turned it into Italian. And a few days later, Alain went on the forum and said "Oh, I know Short Cutfinder. He's Italian".
Now, at that time, there was only one Italian pipsqueak around. "D@rio".
ZCT11 and ZCT12 had both been won by Roy using dual-way-switching, while some other pipsqueaks had spent hours making tricks and perfecting curves, only to find themselves in 7th place because they missed the way-switch. D@rio was one of these pipsqueaks. With a daring and awesome jump on ZCT11, he had earned himself the consolation prize of "Replay of the month" while finishing far down on the scoreboard, outmanoeuvered by tricksy shortcut finders. Finally it made sense. Short Cutfinder was D@rio. Angered by the ZCT11 debacle and the subsequent ZCT12 victory also being claimed by way-switchers, he had created a nonsense replay to highlight the poor racing quality of the shortcut finders, and then left the community and slammed the door.

But no, he hadn't. It was me. And I wasn't trying to make a point, I was just trying to be funny.

But D@rio really had left, so he never responded to the claims. So Short Cutfinder withdrew into the realm of legend, and I decided to let him live there. Until today.

That's all.
Short Cutfinder was the only ghost I ever made, except for Chicago Striker, a parody of the foul CTG-spawned ghost named Gelato Baker.
Or was he?
Is there another big announcement coming in another 16 years, in 2034, when the superintelligent AI has taken over the Earth?

No, there isn't.

Or is there?

No, there really isn't.

Chat - Misc / Re: Politics around the world
May 26, 2017, 12:35:00 AM
Yes but.....

Since then,

- Brexit happened and is not looking promising
- The new American alt-right government is increasingly unpopular and makes for bad PR.
- elections in Netherlands, Austria and France have been won by pro-EU parties and lost by nationalists. Nationalists in Europe have had no victories since Brexit.